So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
