the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
