You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
