You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
