God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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