Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
