I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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