Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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