why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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