Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
