just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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