Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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