Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
