I hate all girls vehemently.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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