Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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