he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Sext me about skeletons
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
