What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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