allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
