Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Two words: blizzard sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
