covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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