you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
