I'm so fucking centered right now
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize