she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I supernannyed him into submission
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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