you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
