I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
