YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
