the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
