READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
