He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
