I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
