He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
