zippers are such a cool invention
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
