why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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