Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
