so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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