just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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