k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
