wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
being pregnant is like rehab
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Success! We fucked roommates!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
