are you still at the devil's house?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
