I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you inspire me to be a worse person
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
