Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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