id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
