Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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