Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
