There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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