Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I would fuck him just for his dog
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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