Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
