You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
