what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
