Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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