mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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