I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
