yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
