the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
