I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
