so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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