Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
