i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
this will be a night to untag.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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