when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
When are your genitals available?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
