he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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