Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
