Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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