based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
