Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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