we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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