Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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