New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
