I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
