Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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