people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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