Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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