If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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